The call from D's teacher came while I was at my desk.
The number blazing across caller ID induced a flutter of panic.
Oh no...he's got a 102 fever, vomit, accident, (insert favorite nightmare scenario here.)
His teacher tells me there is no emergency.
Phew.
Then she drops the bomb.
D has said some very bad things to a teacher at school. I've talked to him and he said he heard those words from his brother.
Oh my God... what did he say?
He called the substitute a "big, fat, poop-head flag."
The sub was incredulous and hurt by this, the teacher tells me.
I try to uncover what preceded the name calling. My friend and child educator, Bill Corbett, likes to ask what was going on before the behavior erupted.
My sleuthing determined he was being yelled at for dilly dallying in the bathroom. It didn't excuse the name calling, but things were coming into focus.
I had learned from Bill that when a child behaves in this way they are feeling hurt so they lash out to hurt someone else.
It's a human and imperfect response when you can't developmentally express your feelings.
In my head, I think snarky thoughts like, "Shouldn't the sub know this?"
On the ride home D tells me from the back seat that his "heart is breaking."
You're not in trouble, I say. But we need to be kind. We don't call people names.
His response surprises me:
Mommy I don't want to leave (his teacher) and my school . I will never see her again when I "gaduate" and go to Kindergarten.
He is wailing in his booster seat.
At home, I scoop him in my arms.
A-ha
The big, fat, poop-head flag makes sense.
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