Chasing Coats

Somewhere between birth and Kindergarten, the struggle begins.

It's freezing outside and your little bundle of joy whom you swaddled from the womb to protect, refuses your direction to wear a coat.

Try as you might to reason, the refusal - at least in my experience - heightens when I pay attention to it.

According to NPR, "Bundling kids up satisfies a deep-seated parental impulse to protect.
And culturally, it's considered the right thing to do."

Try telling that to my two boys.
I have tried to see things from the little people's perspective. I think of  Ralphie in the Christmas Story who is so bundled up that when he falls he can't get up. But that's not my M.O. My plea is reasonable - Put on a fleece and go to school.

My impulse to protect is also rooted in being perceived as a good mother What will other people think if Patty sends her kids anywhere without a coat? BAD MOTHER. But experts say sometimes you have to let kids figure out that cold weather and a warm coat make good sense.

I checked in with national parenting coach Bill Corbett to capture some sanity.

"Getting your kids to wear their coat can be a challenge for a couple of reasons. For some children it is a power struggle because it is their way of exerting their sense of power and control. For others, it's not cool because the sign of a coat indicates submitting to the uncool parent and they don't want their peers to see them being influenced by their parents," he said.

Corbett said in some instances, it may be acceptable for a parent to avoid the power struggle and let the child leave for school without their coat and let the cold be the natural consequence of not having the coat.
" This might motivate the child to put on his coat," he said.
But then there are more questions.
What if the power or peer pressure is greater than the effects of the cold air? Or what if the parent is not willing to take the chances of having to pay for health care and losing time at work when their child comes down with a sickness?
There is an alternative.
"Give the child a choice between two jackets to wear. If the child refuses the choice, the parent could ask for the teacher's cooperation in telling the child that a coat must be worn to come to school on cold days," Corbett said. " Another option may be for the parent to play the "I'm not willing for you to leave the house without your coat" card."
Throwing down the latter gauntlet is handled like this:
"The adult reminds the child that putting on a coat at the parent's decision is called "cooperation." If the child refuses to cooperate, then the parent may have to remind the child that he or she may not get cooperation from the parent with activities or privileges that are not rights, such as going places, having friends over, and use of entertainment electronics in the house," Corbett said.

At my house we had a family meeting about coats.
The kids came up with the solution. They would take their cold weather gear in their backpacks to school. I could live with that because I knew when I was not there, they had the equipment they needed to be warm.

On the first day we saw a bit of snow, the boys put their coats in the backpacks. When we went into the chilly air and freezer like car, they both whined, "It's cold" and shivered.

What could you do about that? I asked.

I heard the zippers of their backpacks open.