I'm back from a work trip. It's always hard to leave the babies even when they are no longer babies anymore.
My youngest secretly packed me a stuffed, musical, Woodstock to hug while I was away.
He surprises me. He is so gentle and thoughtful in one instant and then intense, stubborn and defiant the next.
He's human, a change agent indeed. And dare I say, a reflection of his mother.
D is a committed practitioner who takes on things he wants with determination and zeal beyond his years. He gave himself a blister until he learned to snap and told me he must have a lemonade stand on a busy street to make money.
He's 6.
This passion comes in ups and downs. I sometimes struggle how to best handle the swings and tantrums that erupt if we don't have more of the favorite cereal he's had for breakfast the last 5 days in a row.
Spirited kids are creatures of habit. Change the game plan without warning and there is likely to be trouble.
I bought a book, "Raising your Spirited Child: A Guide for Parents whose Children are More Intense, Sensitive, Perceptive, Persistent and Energetic" that talks about strategies to work with his exuberant energy so it doesn't crush spirit and allows children to grow and manage emotions. What I learned is that I didn't need to fix him, I needed to fix me.
My son and I are very much alike. I am a spirited adult, and by the book's definition, passionate and purposeful and then frustrating the next. I dig in when I think I am right and my flexibility- yes I admit - can turn rigid.
I sometimes need time to come around.
So what do we do?
Breathe.
Look for the teaching moments. When it's time to change activities, for example, give warnings that time is almost up. I can teach him good words about his energy instead of always telling them to stop it, or calm down, or sit still every few minutes so long as what he is doing is safe.
I can say:
I wish I had your energy.
You'll make a great athlete
I can let go and be OK.
What I need to practice more is to notice when I hit the wall and need a time out to regroup.
It is best to remind myself that my spirited kid is not trying to get my goat but may need a little extra effort on the redirect because of who he is and how he's wired.
On the plane at 33,000 feet, I learned it's really the same for me. (My husband will nod here.)
As the last line in the book goes: Spirited kids are like roses...they need special care...you have to get past the thorns to enjoy their beauty. It feels great to watch them bloom and even better to know that my kindergartner and I share the same passion and drive to do the things we like to do with gusto.
XOXO D!
